The Ministry of Surrender

By: Cailin Choy
July 14, 2015

The “success” of my day is being faithful to what God has asked of me;

Productivity. Efficiency. Results.

These are three highly regarded values of the work culture that I came from. I take pride in the work that I do, put in all my effort, and pull out all the stops to get the best results. It doesn’t help that I’m a perfectionist by nature. I want to see everything turn out the best that it can be – to marvel at full beauty revealed, to see full potential realized. There’s nothing wrong with that. Our God is beauty; our God is perfect – down to the very tiniest detail our human eyes can notice.

But I don’t live in that truth every day. Instead of seeing beauty that God sees, there are times I glance over noticing nothing. There are times I classify it as “ugly”. There are times I want to change it so it fits into my mould of what “beauty” is. Instead of resting in the fact that my God is sovereign and can do no wrong, I struggle to make things go “perfect”; just the way I like it.

What I’m learning in my time of ministry at a community grass roots center is that accomplishing my check list or to-do list is not my God. It is frustrating for me when I want to give my all, and serve my best, but circumstances don’t allow me to. How do I respond to the world’s cry of brokenness well if I can’t even receive proper communication across parties? The needs of the marginalized, the oppressed, and the forgotten cry out so great yet there never seems to be enough time.

But the living of my calling is not benchmarked against how much I have done, how quickly I did it, or how well I did it. The “success” of my day is being faithful to what God has asked of me; to be in constant communion and prayer so that as I interact with the world it is worship and beautiful in the eyes of God. To surrender my thoughts of “I know better” or “I could have done it faster”, and instead admit that God does it best.

Tags: Thinking Out Loud, Shaping the Future


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